Jane Russell, the star of Gentleman Prefer Blondes has just passed away. Here's why I'd rather be a brunette...
Now don’t get me wrong, I like my hair, it’s one of my favourite things about me, it’s big, it’s long, people want to touch it, ok sometimes that can be a bit weird but, apart from that, it’s generally pretty good. But sometimes, just sometimes, I would love to see what life is like on the other side. The other side being where the brunettes live. See there’s just something quite fabulous about brunette women.
For starters brunette hair is always so much shinier. I could wash my hair in shiney shinerson shampoo, coat it in 600 layers of serum and condition it to within an inch of its life and it still wouldn’t have that glossy brilliance that the darker haired darlings always seem to maintain. It’s like each strand has its own tiny inbuilt torch radiating attractiveness out of it. Whatever variety of brunette you are whether it be chesnut, dark brown, ok, well I couldn’t think of any more types, but I’m sure there are some, it’s like the gods of hair only choose to shine on them.
Secondly no one ever makes jokes about brunettes. I mean don’t get me wrong sometimes it’s great to blame that split drink or the fact that you don’t know that Sweden is part of Scandinavia despite having a Swedish housemate on your hair colour, but, after a while, the ‘Oh it’s just because you’re blonde’ jokes start to wear a little thin. People respect brunettes, sure they don’t have more fun, but who wants fun when you can have people open doors for you and call you things like beautiful or glamorous? The only terms of endearment ever given to blonde girls are that they’re cute or not as much of a goer as you might of originally presumed.
Brunettes have this kind of extreme class. They carry themselves with this tremendous “Yes I’m a brunette and I’m very brilliant” kind of way that, when I try to mimic it, just makes me look like a twat. Not to mention the fact that the brunettes get all the best men: Simon Cowell, Robert Pattinson, Brad Pitt they’re all dating them. And whilst obviously you should never change yourself for a man if it meant getting down and dirty with one of those lovelies I’d be reaching for the, well whatever the brunette equivalent of the bleach bottle is, before you could say Mezghan Hussainy.
The worst thing is is that I probably wouldn’t feel this way if so many down market girls hadn’t decided to lighten up their tresses bringing a bad name on all this blonde. Shazza and Kels (these are not real women, well, they probably are but I wouldn’t associate myself with them) who have had their locks highlighted to within an inch of their life make us natural blondes look more common than a drug dealer at a rave up. I hold them entirely responsible for ruining the blonde name, image and everything about it and making usually sane minded women such as myself contemplate changing my otherwise perfectly lovely hair.
So why not do it I hear you say? Just give it a try is S and K really have rubbished it for you, well, obviously I can’t hear you because this is the internet but I know that’s what you are thinking. Well I have two main problems really 1. I’ve seen other people (by people I mean celebrities obviously) try it before, Scarlet Johansson, Cameron Diaz, Britney Spears, and what happened? They all looked like a poor mans version of a proper brunette, a blonde in brunettes clothing as it were and if the likes of SJO can’t pull it off then I sure as hell don’t have a cat in hells chance of doing it and 2. I’m too shit scared that it might go ginger and if that’s not a good enough reason not to do it I don’t know what is.
My Top 10 Favourite Brunettes:
For more from Olivia Foster click here.
To follow Sabotage Times on Twitter click here.
If Rihanna isn't sporting these within a week then the world has gone doolally...
