Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?

Now don’t get me wrong, I like my hair, it’s one of my favourite things about me, it’s big, it’s long, people want to touch it, ok sometimes that can be a bit weird but, apart from that, it’s generally pretty good. But sometimes, just sometimes, I would love to see what life is like on the other side. The other side being where the brunettes live. See there’s just something quite fabulous about brunette women.

For starters brunette hair is always so much shinier. I could wash my hair in shiney shinerson shampoo, coat it in 600 layers of serum and condition it to within an inch of its life and it still wouldn’t have that glossy brilliance that the darker haired darlings always seem to maintain. It’s like each strand has its own tiny inbuilt torch radiating attractiveness out of it. Whatever variety of brunette you are whether it be chesnut, dark brown, ok, well I couldn’t think of any more types, but I’m sure there are some, it’s like the gods of hair only choose to shine on them.

Secondly no one ever makes jokes about brunettes. I mean don’t get me wrong sometimes it’s great to blame that split drink or the fact that you don’t know that Sweden is part of Scandinavia despite having a Swedish housemate on your hair colour, but, after a while, the ‘Oh it’s just because you’re blonde’ jokes start to wear a little thin. People respect brunettes, sure they don’t have more fun, but who wants fun when you can have people open doors for you and call you things like beautiful or glamorous? The only terms of endearment ever given to blonde girls are that they’re cute or not as much of a goer as you might of originally presumed.

Brunettes have this kind of extreme class. They carry themselves with this tremendous “Yes I’m a brunette and I’m very brilliant” kind of way that, when I try to mimic it, just makes me look like a twat. Not to mention the fact that the brunettes get all the best men: Simon Cowell, Robert Pattinson, Brad Pitt they’re all dating them. And whilst obviously you should never change yourself for a man if it meant getting down and dirty with one of those lovelies I’d be reaching for the, well whatever the brunette equivalent of the bleach bottle is, before you could say Mezghan Hussainy.

The worst thing is is that I probably wouldn’t feel this way if so many down market girls hadn’t decided to lighten up their tresses bringing a bad name on all this blonde. Shazza and Kels  (these are not real women, well, they probably are but I wouldn’t associate myself with them) who have had their locks highlighted to within an inch of their life make us natural blondes look more common than a drug dealer at a rave up. I hold them entirely responsible for ruining the blonde name, image and everything about it and making usually sane minded women such as myself contemplate changing my otherwise perfectly lovely hair.

So why not do it I hear you say? Just give it a try is S and K really have rubbished it for you, well, obviously I can’t hear you because this is the internet but I know that’s what you are thinking. Well I have two main problems really 1. I’ve seen other people (by people I mean celebrities obviously) try it before, Scarlet Johansson, Cameron Diaz, Britney Spears, and what happened? They all looked like a poor mans version of a proper brunette, a blonde in brunettes clothing as it were and if the likes of SJO can’t pull it off then I sure as hell don’t have a cat in hells chance of doing it and 2. I’m too shit scared that it might go ginger and if that’s not a good enough reason not to do it I don’t know what is.

My Top 10 Favourite Brunettes:

  1. Audrey Hepburn – Oh come on she’s just timeless.
  2. Penelope Cruz – She’s just so bloody exotic.
  3. Kelly Brook – Her hair was once voted the hair boys most want girls to have or something like that.
  4. Rachel Bilson – Sod  Micha she was always the biggest star of the O.C
  5. Angelina Jolie – She’s like one of the sexiest women alive and she’s not blonde damn it.
  6. Eva Mendes – Wow, just wow.
  7. Elizabeth Hurley – Proving that brunettes have more class, much more.
  8. Vanessa Hudgens – I wonder if she would loan me Zac Efron, just for the day.
  9. Salma Hayak – Giving it up for the ultimate yummy mummy.
  10. Rihanna – I bet all the rude boys do give it up for her.

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image descriptionCOMMENTS

jugoya 6:28 pm, 8-Oct-2010

I dunno, have you tried brushing your hair?

James White 7:13 pm, 24-Jan-2011

Jesus, your articles are more vacuous than the ramblings of Kanye West.

Tracy Garnish 12:52 pm, 25-Jan-2011

I was very dark,now a gentle sophisticated grey is happenning in beautiful thick lines,I was forever having my hair touched and held up and allowed to fall silkylike by people gushing 'what beautiful hair'...a fabulous article,fantastico - and I had SO much fun ;-)

Lady Pedant 9:50 pm, 25-Jan-2011

I thought the point of Sabotage Times was that the writers only get paid if the articles get sold on - so how exctly are you making it appealing for publications to buy your article if you file all these pieces that look like something a 12-year- old has written? I like your humour and your enthusiasm but you need to go and get some English lessons, girl!

Esther 9:54 pm, 25-Jan-2011

Ever thought of red?

James Brown 10:20 pm, 25-Jan-2011

Olivia has long since been snapped up by Heat magazine after we recommended her to the editor who also writes for ST. I believe she's doing well there.

David B 12:13 pm, 28-Jan-2011

Fair dos James, but Heat is one thing. Sabotage Times is another. If I wanted to read this sort fo thing, I'd buy Heat, not read ST.

Tom Greaney 8:08 pm, 28-Jan-2011

With all due respect David B, what are you expecting when you clicked on an article titled "Oh To Be A Brunette"?

Lucia Campolucci-Bordi 9:32 pm, 28-Jan-2011

First of all, found Tom Greaney's comment there VERY funny... Also, don't dye your hair. Life is about being natural and comfortable in your own skin and all that bollocks. Plus, you're quite right about it turning ginger. DONT TAKE THE RISK!

David B 2:43 pm, 29-Jan-2011

Frankly Tom, I wondered whether the content really was as inane as the title suggested, or whether there was some degree of irony/surprise. Suspicions confirmed...

David L 4:05 am, 2-Feb-2011

Jaysus, can she not stick to penning stuff for Heat then? You know, writing for the sort of ringpieces who might actually include Simon Cowell on a list of best men or be on first name terms with Shazza and Kels, whoever the f*** they might be?

Phil B 5:24 pm, 5-Feb-2011

I would say Kirsty Gallacher should be in there somewhere.

Katie 12:59 pm, 11-Feb-2011

Whoever thought men could be bigger b1tches than girls! Chill out boys, she's hardly asking you to join the suffragettes...

Bazualdo 7:27 pm, 18-Feb-2011

I liked it, David b should climb down off his shire horse in my opinion, every time he talks dust and feathers fly out of his mouth!!

griff 12:02 pm, 1-Mar-2011

why dont you set up Sabotage Now! for the girls. then and all the girls can have their own site where they read about hair styles and lady gaga and baking the boys can read about things like guns and breasts and sport.

Ginger Emm 7:38 pm, 1-Mar-2011

So, being a ginge is bad news, huh? Could've fooled me.

Scallywag 6:52 pm, 2-Mar-2011

Got to agree with David B. 'Should of' is unforgivable.

Scallywag 6:54 pm, 2-Mar-2011

and 'might of' (third para) for that matter...

Mr Taxi Man 5:47 pm, 3-Mar-2011

Jo, I've created a weapon that fires cupcakes. and ST if you cater for men, send me a bacon sandwich and a non-cornish pastie. Ta..

Ben 6:16 pm, 13-Oct-2011

The article is okay, but please proof read it before submitting - it is riddled with little mistakes.

Mr Bit 6:17 pm, 13-Oct-2011

Never heard of Robert 'Pattinson'?

Loda 9:09 pm, 13-Oct-2011

Dita Von Teese is a natural blonde who's crossed to the dark side and looks so much better for it.

Petebonics 9:47 pm, 13-Oct-2011

Journos can't spell. He used to it. That's why we have sub editors to make us look less rubbish. ST probably can't afford subs, ya know, what with IT BEING FREE AND EVERYTHING WITH VERY LITTLE IN THE WAY OF ADVERTISING (ungrateful bastards), so why. It wind your necks in a bit, eh?

Petebonics 9:49 pm, 13-Oct-2011

I'll try that again with less iPhone fuckupery, shall I? Journos can’t spell. Get used to it. That’s why we have sub editors: to make us look less rubbish. ST probably can’t afford subs, ya know, what with IT BEING FREE AND EVERYTHING WITH VERY LITTLE IN THE WAY OF ADVERTISING (ungrateful bastards), so why not wind your necks in a bit, eh?

Kirstie 10:08 pm, 13-Oct-2011

iPhone fuckupery - genius neologism

Mick Turato 11:20 pm, 13-Oct-2011

Petebonics, I preferred 'it wind your necks in a bit,eh?' Much more interesting.

Michael Green 8:06 am, 14-Oct-2011

Ignore the negative comments Olivia - I prefer to see a wide range of articles on ST and really enjoyed this one. Any list including the simply wonderful Eva Mendes and Salma Hayak is right up my street. Keep up the good work.

mick turato 6:55 pm, 15-Oct-2011

I agree Michael, the beauty of ST is the variety in the articles.

Mara Tapu 6:21 am, 18-Oct-2011

I prefer brunettes. Always have. Glad you included Salma Hayak. The finest brunette out there! Who could forget that table dance in Dusk til Dawn?

Knoydart03 9:07 pm, 3-Nov-2012

Appalling article. It's not just the spelling: it's the sentence structure as well. Cannot believe this person is actually writing for a "real" magazine.

Victoria 10:02 pm, 11-Jan-2013

An author should know that "might of" is not an English term... It makes no sense. Might've which is the contraction of might have, however, is.

slapmebitch 5:21 pm, 28-Mar-2013

You've just proved that even smart blondes are stupid. Good job. Personally I just like brunettes because blondes are a dime a bakers dozen. And brunettes are just way more sexy....like Damn girl wasssup?! What is a rave up...did you mean drug dealers that rape you?

BRUNNETTS 11:33 pm, 1-Dec-2013

I have to admit i am a brunnett naturally and i agree 100 perfect on this most brunnetts are bueatiful blond are ok, i mean its a bueatiful color but it just seems more teenager to have it more fun, brunnetts seem more mature and calm and thats why its nice to be a brunnett.

freya williams 9:15 pm, 20-Jun-2014

Blondes are big fat show offs my ex bff was a blonde and she hit me in the face with a tennis racket

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Fashion & Style image description SABOTAGE

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