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Dirk Kuyt And 9 Players Who Couldn't Trap A Bag Of Cement

by Sabotage
19 December 2011 9 Comments

Yesterday we asked you to nominate past and present footballers with awful first touches. Here's what you told us...

Liverpool’s Dirk Kuyt And 9 Players Who Couldn’t Trap A Bag Of Cement

It was while watching QPR v Man United yesterday that one of our Twitter pals tweeted something to the effect of QPR having assembled a team with the worst first touches in history, with Shaun Wright-Phillips getting special mention. So we asked around for other nominations, and here’s what you told us…

Dirk Kuyt

“Dreadful first touch for any professional player, let alone one who has played in both a World Cup final and a Champions League final.” Says Martin Quirk on Facebook

Shaun Wright Phillips

“Like a dog chasing a balloon” according to Saboteur Macca.

Carlton Palmer

“Carlton Palmer, he can trap the ball further than I can kick it” said Ron Atkinson.

Nicklas Bendtner

Hs name came up on our Twitter feed more than anyone else, mostly for his horrific miss for Arsenal against Barca in the Nou Camp last year.

Robert Rosario

Thanks to @Tom_Cullen for this one… “bob rosario’s first touch was somehow worst than his second. Which was his shot.”

Theo Walcott

Another one to receive several nominations, mostly from Arsenal fans. Often gets away with it due to being quick.

Tony Cascarino

Cheers to Arsenal fan cjor1172 who said that “his second touch was usually a tackle.”

Carlton Cole

Third most mentions for the man built like a boxer and with a first touch as delicate as a 20lb sledgehammer to the temple.

John O’Shea

“A man whose first touch is so bad his first name should be Rick…” said Matthew Ketchell on Facebook.

Titus Bramble

“Allegedly…” says Robert Skilbeck…

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image descriptionCOMMENTS

TeeJ 2:19 pm, 19-Dec-2011

Hahaha "Allegedly..." is genius!

Giles 3:10 pm, 19-Dec-2011

Robert Rosario? balls! as I was a kid when I saw him play, I can't remember his first touch. However, he scored some good goals for Norwich

romfordray 4:06 pm, 19-Dec-2011

Bendtner's "miss" against Barcelona was a half chance at best. We just hate him for being a prick. Emile Heskey has the first touch of a serial rapist.

Roy 6:14 pm, 19-Dec-2011

Cameron Jerome couldn't trap water.

Shelfside 6:35 pm, 19-Dec-2011

What,not even a mention in dispatches for Pavlyuchenko?

Graham 6:59 pm, 19-Dec-2011

Bendtner always looks as if he's playing in a suit of armour. The Shaun Wright Phillips comment had me in stitches.. well put!

Roy 7:10 pm, 19-Dec-2011

Cameron Jerome couldn't trap a fart.

Neil Red 9:44 pm, 19-Dec-2011

As a Sunderland fan I couldn't help but notice we currently have 3 of your list in our starting line up?!. My word.

Kartik 7:51 am, 20-Dec-2011

Ruud Van Nistelroij......

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