A cheeky flirtation with the playoffs wouldn't go a miss, neither would signing someone like Sol Campbell...but not Sol Campbell.
Team: Norwich City
Hopes for the season: To get a faint sniff of the play-off action.
Fears for the season: To get a right noseful of relegation stink, resulting in loss of manager and more financial woes.
Fixture looking forward to most? Has to be Ipswich in the Old Farm derby which provides one of the rare occasions these days that induces pre-game nerves in the City fan.
Have you got the right manager? Norwich has a revolving door that sees most managers ejected before the transfer’s dry on their drill tops, so to see a guy like Paul Lambert enjoying his second season is in no some way ‘progress’. I think he is a winner.
Player you’d most like to sign? Messi will never play for Norwich; we don’t want him. That said, we’re still not that good at the back and I would love to see someone like Sol Campbell at the club, but not Sol Campbell because he would never come here, but someone like Sol Campbell but not Sol Campbell. Does he have a younger brother?
Which player should we look out for and why? We’ve managed to keep Wes Hoolahan out of the papers up till now, but he’s technically brilliant. Good touch, quick and scores his fair share. He was the replacement for the irreplaceable Darren Huckerby.
Which player would you love to ditch and why? I can honestly say no one at the moment. Gary Docherty has finally shuffled off – good servant to the club but stood out at Championship level like a clumsy drunk – so if I was being ultra ruthless I still think we need to get more out of Michael Nelson, Doherty’s partner at centre half last year. There’s still some signs of green horn there.
Tell us something we don’t know about your club? We have a corner infill stand called the ‘Snakepit’ after a duffer in the City stand complained to the local paper about the disruption and noise that the new stand now represented to his Saturday snooze. Even the club now refers to it as the Snakepit which always makes me laugh when they do the birthday announcements. “Happy birthday Tom, who sits in the Snakepit.” Sounds like something you’d hear before the Christians got fed to the cats.
What won’t happen this season? We won’t beat Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park. I have seen that happen once, but people were standing on open terraces and I think you could still get to the ground by tram. I have resigned myself to never seeing us win there again. There’s bad juju in that ground. It’s like a wonky pool table that the owner plays like a dream on.
Favourite chant? “You’re just a man in a jacket,” sung to the stewards when they try to get punters to sit. Still makes me laugh in some childish way. It’s in some ways quite a wry anti-authoritarian slight. I would love to been the man who first came up with that; after all he is just a man… in a jacket.
Any other news? The new multi-pint pump system in the Snakepit bar was a monumental disaster at our opening game. Foam everywhere and a lot of thirsty fans getting rather agitated. Just pour the pints first at say 3.40, and then dish them out when the fans arrive. It’s not rocket science.
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