RELATED
After 25 Years Of Binges, I've Had Enough. I'm Giving Up Booze
The party is well and truly over. I don't crave drink but when I start I can't stop. I've pissed in people's bags, seen off more stag's than a Scottish gamekeeper and am increasingly depressed...
You perhaps, like me, might drive a car of a certain vintage. The sort of car built in the late 1990s for executives that were not very good. The type of vehicle typically used to ferry desperate salesmen around in their pointless quest to sell advertising space in primary coloured telephone directories.
If you are, like me, unfortunate enough to drive a pile of hideous, embarrassing, ageing shit like this then you will be familiar with strange little warning lights coming on in the dashboard. You will know from habit that you can fix some of the problems associated with the lights by using your professional engineering skills (ie switching the vehicle off and on). When this does not work, you must then decide which lights need action and which need a piece of black insulation tape placed over them until they eventually go out of their own accord, presumably out of boredom. You will know that the one shaped like a quaint 1950’s Oil Can must not be ignored or taped over, whereas the one that is shaped like a giant balloon on a seat can be treated with the utter contempt it’s ridiculous image deserves.
A warning light went on in my head just after my fortieth birthday, a birthday that although technically was on the twelfth, saw me drinking almost nonstop from the eighth to the sixteenth. It included a mammoth lunchtime Saturday that continued through the night into a Sunday morning I wanted to last forever. The warning this metaphorical light was conveying was “stop drinking” It has been on for a while now and I think it is one of the ones that cannot be ignored.
In mitigation, I’m not making out I’m Oliver Reed - I’ve never had the money or the time to follow the Harris’s, Richards, Ryders and O’Tooles. I would say my behaviour over the last 25 years has been under control, albeit with missed days, missed opportunities. I am the owner of a small business and I am not what you might call a “day drinker”. However, I am (despite also being a runner and in 2011 a triathlete), a prolific and prodigious binge drinker of disturbing proportions.
I decided to canvas the opinion of a few friends, a sort of “friends focus group” as to what they thought of this idea. Opinion ranged from “possibly your shittest ever idea” to outright incredulity and disbelief.
Stephen Fry , talking about one of his evenings at The Groucho, remembered leaving one night:
“Someone was trying to persuade me to stay for one more. I knew I had filming the next day so I refused” he recalled. “Francis Bacon said to me: “you have a little man don’t you? You have a little man, who lives in your head and tells you when it’s time to stop. Be thankful for that little man. Greater men have fallen through lack of one”.
I have certainly not got a little man. We all know a “me”. People like me are not capable of going to the pub for a couple of pints then standing up and saying “that’s me gents” and walking home whistling, perhaps stopping off to buy some flowers for our loved ones. People like me go out for a couple of pints on a work night and end up lowering our confused bodies out of a parked up train in some moonlit rural siding at 4:30am. We find ourselves awoken by the morning sunlight, climbing out of a hedge behind a row of carpet shops on a retail park. We sometimes wake in cells, or worse, in hospitals, our forefingers decorated with little wires leading to machines that go “beep”. We piss our pants, beds, sofas, wardrobes, handbags and laundry baskets. We also piss the beds sofas, wardrobes, handbags and laundry baskets of others. We go for lunch that turns into dinner that turns into a nightclub that turns into not being able to face the next day so turns into lunch again. We keep going, sometimes ploughing on for days.
We love the big event, us bingers. Some events, like Christmas, mean we can be legitimately on it constantly, for days on end. The modern three day stag weekend has also legitimised our unbridled excesses. In the last fifteen years I have seen off more stags than a Scottish gamekeeper. This includes at least two stags where they didn’t really know me, but wanted me on board, such was my reputation for being a big drunken Silly Billy.
Sport, from both a spectator and participant perspective has long been a gigantic canvas for piss artists like me to paint masterpieces. From Wembley to Twickenham to Cheltenham to Ascot and The Oval, the season or the class of event is not important. What is important is getting on it.
Playing rugby meant four things for me – Annual Rugby Tour, Annual Rugby Dinner, drinking after the game and playing Rugby. Actually, scratch the last. Recently, sports hitherto untainted by the spectre of post match drinking have been corrupted by my presence. Last year I got a personal best of 1:48 half marathon time and promptly got so drunk with some of my fellow athletes that I couldn’t remember going home or how I got there, once again piecing it all together the next day with the help of others.
I wouldn’t want to paint a bleak picture, because it would be a misrepresentation of a life with booze. Booze can be amazing. Some of (probably all of) my favourite, funniest, sexiest and amazing moments have been under the influence and I would not swap the last twenty five years of boozing for twenty five years of sobriety. It would have been utterly shit. If you can control it, then carry on, it’s fucking great. I doubt I could have got over the death of my father and the collapse of my previous business without using it as a release. But for me it has to stop and as I am not capable of controlling it, this means it has, for now, to stop for good. At my age, with my responsibilities, something has to give.
There comes a time when I just don’t think it’s a dignified and edifying sight - a drunk forty year old businessman giggling on the train or dancing like Simon Callow’s four weddings character at any given disco. In addition, my hangovers have become very consistent for delivering canyons of depression. Now, after every binge, I stare intensely into the abyss and one day I think I know that I will stare too deeply. Heavy drinkers are apparently six times more likely to kill themselves.
Amazingly, the reaction of friends to my decision to fully give up booze has been really really positive. Not really. I decided to canvas the opinion of a few friends, a sort of “friends focus group” as to what they thought of this idea. Opinion ranged from “possibly your shittest ever idea” to outright incredulity and disbelief. Had I unzipped the front of my body to reveal a man sized lizard underneath I am sure they would have been less stunned. This is Britain in the 21st Century, where to not drink is unusual and frowned upon. I’m genuinely sad that few people have done what I would have liked them to do, which was to pat me on the back and say “fair enough mate, good luck”.
I don’t think I will have to be abstinent forever – I think I just need to rebuild my attitude, especially towards self control. I think this is going to take at least a year and it’s going to be one of the oddest years of my life. The party is over, or perhaps only just begun. Who knows?
Click here for more stories about Life
Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter
Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook
If you like it, Pass it on
COMMENTS
nutter
You bloody LAD
Thanks for this article. I had a similar epiphany and think it's about time a phrase was coined for those with a drink problem which manifests itself in bingeing but isn't necessarily helped by AA; I am still at a loss what to call myself almost 3 years later. Yes, you need to set a realistic goal like a year in order to get started but I actually chose not to go back to it at all and am still pleased with my decision. I still meet folk who act incredulous that I have really given up as my drunken antics were also legendary. But I am glad that I have rewritten my legacy (family of heavy drinkers you see) and like you don't regret the drinking years neither. Good luck.
Bloody easy decision to make after a week long bender. I shall look forward to your next article celebrating 6 months sobriety.
You are me, 10 years into the future. Whilst not being as bad as you, possibly, I've decided that enough "few pints after work" 3am sessions on school nights means enough is enough. Self control isn't my strong point but I'm going to have a good go at it over the forthcoming year. Good luck sir, hope you wish me the same!
Good luck,but try to live in the day your in,the i'm gonna learn and drink sensibly after a year business is very naive,its just leaving the door ajar.I think you will be in for a bit of a shock when you will not know what to do with yourself,it can get very boring and it will seem like a good piss up won't do any harm.You really have to look after your mental health and no oil can can do that,AA has a lot to offer,its a strange thing but it works,just dodge the pratts who have turned it into there new pub,
Recognise the Depression side effect.
I went 'on the dry' for nearly six months last year due to similar reasons - blackouts, almost suicidal depression the morning after & making a twat of myself in front of friends & family being the three main ones. It gets easier the longer you leave it although I did come out of retirement for this Christmas just gone. All that did was confirm I'm better off without it so as from the 1st day of this year I'm back on the wagon again, maybe for good. Like yourself, Howard, I've had some fucking amazing times when pissed but when they start being overshadowed by the bad what's the point in continuing with something that you don't enjoy? Best of luck to you on this one, fella. Hope it works out for you...
If you are not an alcoholic i.e. You don't crave alcohol daily, but you have issues with alcohol then the phrase is problem drinker. Unfortunately many problem drinkers turn into alcoholics later in life, as the gaps between binges get shorter and the hair of the dog becomes more frequent. As for the friends who do not support you, are they then merely drinking buddies? Good luck.
Reading this article was like looking in the mirror. In fact, it has spurred me on to give it a go myself. Dark clouds seem to be gathering around me lately, hopefully quitting my beloved booze may lift them slightly. Best of luck.
As someone once told me about stopping drinking, whatever happens, it won't hurt you.
I had to look twice at the author's name, in case it was me who had written this on a binge and forgotten about it... My brother hasn't touched a drop in 2 years and swears he's never felt better, and an old mate has been sober fo 6 months now and says the same. I decided before Christmas that I'd have one last blast as I've done many times, but this time it feels different. I have to admit I'm shitting myself at the prospect, but I'm going to do it this time. This article has just spurred me on! Ta very much!!
As said by others before, i could have written this. I run almost daily but if i'm honest more often than not it's to clear a hangover. I've decided to dry out for a bit and even after 5 days have noticed a real change in my energy levels and clarity of thought. The problem is that i know i'll never really ever be able to have just a drink or two...and the thought of a life without booze scares the shit out of me. On the upside, last night i sat down to watch '21 Grams' at half ten and woke up this morning remembering every frame of it. Good luck Howard and thanks for the psychological boost.
reading this article makes me thirsty
Great article Howard, this was me six months ago. I quit last summer and I wish I'd done it years ago.
Brilliant piece. Saw a lot of myself in there. I'm less binger, more a bottle if wine a night guy. Although I have the propensity to blow the doors off at least once or twice a month. Good luck, stay strong x
I'm glad to read the comments above from people that have given up. I often feel like I'm the only one. I don't preach, or even bring it up in conversation, I just say "no thanks" when offered, and the incredulous remarks begin. I knew for many years that I had a problem: tried the New Year resolution route; the only drink at the weekends route; the cutting down the amount route. Nada. There was always "ah, its been a hard day, I'll just have one...". But three and a half years ago, I just stopped, no fanfare, no promises, just stopped. Couldn't believe how quickly not drinking became as much of a habit as drinking had been, and now I can't even imagine another morning after. I just wish everyone else I know would just shut up questioning me about it.
Don't let drink beat you. Bend it to your will. Keep drinking.
I reckon I will be writing something like this in about 12 years time. Thanks though, it has certainly given me some food for thought. Good Luck!
Used to specialise in 3/4 dayers and once went out for 17 days on the trot, finishing up in Nottingham. These days cant make it out of bed till 5pm after a night on it and depression lasts for days. Im 35!!! Im on the arse end of my drinking career. I go weeks without these days and much prefer it when i dont indulge. The main problem is when virtually everyone you know has a fucking bevvie and being surrounded by it when your out. Fuck it, its all so boring now anyway. Been out lately, wanna be WAGS acting like twats. Pass me the bong and the remote.
I'm 26 and in the same boat, sans hangovers.. At the moment. What makes me feel sick is the amountof money you waste, hundreds of pounds plus after a few, the old Colombian often wants to come out and play which makes it even more pricey. As it's been said already, no fan fare, no resolutions, it's stopped. For how long who knows... Good luck!!!
Food for thought and sobering...
I was a bit silly with the booze, and with a family history of alcoholism I stopped for 5 years, and it did me the world of good. Still prefer smoking weed though.
You bunch of FUCKING SHITHOUSES. Oh my god, you fucking shitbags. I came in work today having pissed and shit myself last night, waking up in the garden shed with several puncture wounds in my buttocks from a gardening fork and an earful of mouse shit. The rest of my team can smell me, but guess what? FUCK 'EM!!! My goodness, you shitbag.
The best of luck to you. I hope it works out for you.
Keep it to yourself mate. What do want, a thumbs up like icon. Bloggers...yawn
People who read blogs then croak about boring they are: YAWN
People who trawl blogs just to pounce on others' comments - waste of space. if you have an opinion on the article, fine. If not go LOLlipop somewhere else
nathan, you make people want to drink, Im a recovering alkie, piss head, what ever you want to call it, Ive been pissed for over 25 years, my liver is ruined, I look like Im 200 hundred years old, and Ive had to stop, Party over,
I lasted 10 months. The blog (link on the profile) covers how it all went. Pretty badly, being honest. The boredom. I know if I don't give up again it will probably kill me one day.
my missus has just mailed me this. im forty in a few weeks and am off to a fortieth tonight (our best man, my best mate) i came up a volley of excuses as to why we might not be able to go to this event but in the end i have to go and face the music. there will be booze and no doubt Evertons FC's 'shirt sponsors' the Cannon to the boozes Ball but like you all it needs to stop and it has. I fear only one thing tho - boredom. we will see how this fucker runs. Interesting reading
hey Howard....had a drink yet? Reckon you're full of shit talking up about the time to make it right but in your head knowing you haven't got the bollocks to do it. Bet you a penny to a dollar that you have already visualised the great story this will make. Howard if you wanna stop you need to get into the rooms and stop your johnny big bollocks ego telling you that you are the only special person ever who might have an issue
Howard, can you post a link to your blog? I can't load your profile on my phone! Thanks!
Brilliant piece I can go five days without drink, feel fantastic, have one beer at a work do then suddenly everything changes. The evening usually ends with being thrown out of some shitty pub
this is me. about 6 weeks ago i shat the bed with the gf in it, then the next day tried to fight her friend and got sent home. so im on the wagon, officially its been a month. and its quite hard, miss that numb not give a shit feeling, that escape. also i keep getting rage attacks and starting arguments with people on intenet forums. i last night told someone his kid looked like he had been pulled out of a canal. acting totally pit of character. im happy withrhe term binge drinker for ppl like us, seems to fit. if anyone can tell me about the word dipsomania though id be grateful. i think 'dipsomania' might be an ild fashioned term for binge drinker, someone who goes mental for booze after one drink but is not addicted
SABOTAGE
