Look, I'm glad I've shifted the blubber but that was the easy part. Now I can't take up two bus seats on my way home and I have to talk to bloody girls...
It’s amazing what a photograph can do for your life. Earlier this year, a glimpse of my graduation photograph truly terrified me into finally getting off my arse and start losing weight – the terror that pushed down on my chubby shoulders was so much that I never, ever wanted to go back to being that overweight individual with the confidence of an ant (I assume they lack confidence, I don’t really know ants that well, maybe I should have said beetle. They always look sad.)
So after nerve-wracking visit to a local Slimming World in north London (yes, Slimming World) and a lend of my house-mate’s running shoes, I was off; the weight started to melt off me faster than I could previously devour a cheese and crisp sandwich with extra cheese. Four months down and line and I’m 75 lbs lighter as well as dropping nearly 10 inches off my waist – a couple of stone away from a target that keeps getting lower.
But despite the obvious health benefits, the loss of a stomach bigger than south Wales and not having boobs bigger than a girl in her 20′s, there’s still many things that weight loss doesn’t prepare you for.
Sometimes I miss the days that my ample figure used to spill onto the seat next to me. My sweaty persona used to warn off anyone deciding to sit next to me on the 243 bus unless there was nowhere else for them to go. Suddenly I’m one of the first people to sit next to; my lean and dry body seems to attract people to come and sit next to me on the tube at any given moment. Long gone are the days that my ample figure insured a hassle-free journey, with at least two seats guaranteed for extra comfort.
When you’re a fat person, you get used to the fact you’re never really going to look good in stuff so comfort comes first when buying any new clothes, not that buying new clothes is something you do when you’re overweight. But weight loss fills you with a bit of hope that you CAN look decent in a pair of jeans and that shirt in H&M? You CAN wear it! This new-found hope can put a dent in your wallet as well as making you care what you look like when you shuffle around ASDA buying a gigantic packet of chocolate hobnobs. It’s a bit of a pain in the arse, really.
As much as you would like to think they did, girls really don’t enjoy a fat person. Those fantasies that you’re husky body would get the ladies clambering to meet you really is just a fantasy. But now you’re losing weight and your face doesn’t look like an overweight cabbage that has festered in a supermarket for a few months; the opposite sex start to take a bit of notice. But, how do you talk to them? Surely endless years of playing Football Manager in your pants isn’t going to teach you how to talk to these strange creatures; you now have to learn how to talk to them and it’s absolutely terrifying.
When everyone is having a go at you to lose weight, they never really tell you how much ‘healthy’ food costs, do they? A little shop around in the supermarket for tonight’s dinner will set you back a little, made especially worse when you’re daydreaming of the time you ate a whole bag of curly chips you bought from Iceland with a massive chocolate gateaux for dessert; you also had change left over to buy a bottle of coke, too. When compared to a lonely Ryvita with some cream cheese, it’s quite saddening.
The Fat Person Mentality
Probably, almost definitely, the worst thing about losing a lot of weight is the mentality that comes with you. While you’re sweat-free and less wobbly on the outside, the fat bloke inside you is always nagging away at you; your confidence is shifting from high to low in a matter of seconds and you’re always questioning everything. It’s brilliant getting compliments from your friends and family, but the switch from professional fat and grease eater to part-time jogging enthusiast is a very difficult journey, especially when you’ve previously consigned all hope to an extra pizza with double cheese.