Thoughts For The Day: The Substantial Sandwich
He bought me a sandwich so good my jaw aches, but not nearly as much as my heart hurts now I've realised I should probably buy him one back.
A Colleague got me an expensive sandwich this week and it was so good that I think my jaw, judging from the ache, is still in shock. Since the recession hit me, I’ve become accustomed to eating lower budget sandwiches where the thin bread and meagre fillings just dissolve almost instantly in your mouth. But I really had to chew this one. It was a throwback to my almost successful pre-2008 days, a time of topped up oyster cards, K-Swiss trainers and bi-monthly haircuts in salons on Putney Bridge where a hair ‘consultant’ would talk to me about layering my hair and the latest mooses.
This substantial sandwich gave me a reason to chew. I wasn’t just going through the motions as I usually do with my sandwiches where I over chew them in front of colleagues to give the impression I’ve bought a good sandwich.
I won’t forget this colleague gave me a reason to masticate. It felt good to have a reason to chew again, though my technique was a little out of sync, unsurprising given how infrequently it’s called into action these days. Eating it, I looked like I was starring in a badly dubbed film. But it was a good sandwich. This was proper bread, proper chicken, good chicken to bread ratio. My jaw hasn’t had to work like that in years.
My concern going forward is, do I have to now buy my colleague a sandwich in return? Is he expecting one, because if the roles were reversed, I’d certainly be expecting one? And if one weren’t forthcoming, I’d be dropping all sorts of hints in the office, announcing every twenty minutes or so that I was just off to get a sandwich until he eventually came with me. Then I’d be hovering by him in the shop as he chose his sandwich, pretending I wasn’t sure I was going to get one after all, until he would say, ‘come on, you’ve got to have something. I’ll get it for you. Just pick something’. That would be my tactic.
But the reality is he’s made the first move. He’s gone into his pockets first. Now convention has it that I respond in kind. I’ll have to bring him down to my budget and it’s going to be shameful. This guy doesn’t do cheap. They’ve cut down on overtime in the job too. I don’t want to get into that mutual sandwich buying routine. It’s worrying me.
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COMMENTS
I think the best thing to do is quit your job. I can't see any other way out of this.
i think in this period of fiscal turbulence wilfully quitting a job is possibly irresponsible. Therefore you should take steps to undermine your colleague in the workplace which would result in him being fired.
or get a job in a sandwich shop
or kill him.
and put him in a sandwich
I'm heavily invested in this tale. I need more detail on the ingredients of the expensive sandwich. Where was it sourced? Artisan or Greggs?
Mooses at this time of year in Putney?
Jesus. I had a nice cup of coffee earlier and then I took a massive dump, shall I pen the whole story and send it in?
Robert, email [email protected]
Robert, you kinda just did. Keith, you made me chuckle. I wasn't being sarcastic, I really want to know.
Robert - best comment I've ever read
Crikey (i love this word - I'm trying to bring it back into fashion) James, you either have a very low "best ever" threshold or you don't read many comments. Or is it Robert pretending he is called James.
Make him one. The thought and effort is more valuable than any money. And then make yourself sandwiches for the rest of the week, saving yourself money for a layered haircut.