I’m not going to Glastonbury this year and one of the things I’ll miss is the food.

Oh my days, the food at Glastonbury is good.

It’s not the reason you go, obviously, but when you meet up with your friends back at camp, you’ll rave about the unforgettable live music, the amazing circus you stumbled upon in The Common, and the best food you’ve had that day.

The reason I love festival food so much, particularly at Glastonbury, is that it’s an education in good, creative and healthy vegan eating. The organisers are careful to choose a diverse mix of traders that cater for all tastes, most of which will provide vegan meals that are actually interesting and filling. I’m a card-carrying meat-eater myself, but I’ll be the first to rave about Queen Delilah’s bean burgers with homemade hummous and peanut sauce (Green Fields).

Of course, Glastonbury Festival is also an education in how you can lose or gain a stone in four days. I have always successfully managed the latter.

Here’s how:

Henry’s Beard Tent (located opposite the Croissant Neuf tent) serves up the best fry-up on site; complete with juicy sausages and generous helpings of mushrooms. They’re flexible on discounts too, so if you do a little negotiating for you and your friends, you can buy some coupons at a discounted price to use later that weekend. This will come in very handy on Sunday morning when you’re hungover and have no money left.

The Tiny Tea Tent gets festival tea-lovers through thousands of cup of tea over the weekend with a generous range that will make any soaking, shuddering wreck of a person find themselves feeling relatively human again, of a Glastonbury morning.

Manic Organic is, like many of the best food traders at the festival, also located in the Green Fields and for £6 you can buy a plate of seriously tasty, well balanced and filling food that will get rid of many-a-hunger pang until well into the evening.

The Permaculture Village do reasonably priced (for a festival) pizzas that they bake in their own stone oven. Lovely, cheesy and full of those all-important festival carbs, plus you’ve got an excuse to check around their completely sustainable village.

Always save a tenner for a big fat Pieminister meal. Splash out on the ‘Motherload’, which consists of a delicious gourmet pie, creamy mash potato, the mushiest of peas, thick meaty gravy (with a veggie alternative), crispy shallots and crumbly grated cheese… Hungry yet?

There’s the pleasant and incredibly welcome assault on the senses that is the walk from the Green Fields, past the Jazz Stage and towards the Pyramid Stage. There are simply too many to list, but it’s here where you can taste dishes from all over the culinary map; Jamaican, Thai, Italian, Chinese, Malay, Indian, German, French, Mediterranean, and, y’know, good old fashioned British bites.

Also, apparently there are “some guys” who do a hog roast, which they bling up with ciabattas, rocket, fresh apple sauce and crackling. It’s SOMEWHERE near the cider bus and if anyone does know what it’s called, let us know.

The generous Hari Krishnas give out plates of free food that are very, very good for you. There’s a Glastonbury rumour that the food is actually laced with drugs that make you more susceptible to persuasion.

Attempting to eat at Glastonbury on a budget? Then let me impart to you some of my Glasto Pro Tips.

#1: The cheaper food tends to be located AWAY from the centre of the site. Take some time to venture out and support the newer traders, or those who get a little less love because of their location.

#2: Pot Noodles are standard fare and a fuss-free lunch, but if you’re in the mood for something a bit more upmarket that tastes of something other than cardboard and sadness, Kabuto Noodles (£2.99, Waitrose) have a range of “posh pot noodles” that make for a much more satisfying alternative.

#3: The generous Hari Krishnas give out plates of free food that are very, very good for you. There’s a Glastonbury rumour that the food is actually laced with drugs that make you more susceptible to persuasion, but I can only speculate, yet nod quite pointedly at my orange robes and finger cymbals…

#4: Bring a couple of single use barbeques. Honest to god, there is no pleasure greater than waking up on a dewy morning while things are still quiet, clambering out of your tent and cooking up some bacon and sausage sarnies while the rest of the festival stretches out and shakes off its hangover.

#5: Make pasties before you go and take a cold box. They will keep for a weekend and you get to be a big smunt by saying, “Oh, these? I made these at home. Mmm, yes, they are delicious.”

#6: Pringles. You would not believe how useful an empty Pringles tube is, especially when it comes to smuggling wine into the festival. They’re also very useful at 3am when it’s too fucking cold to leave your tent and you’re armed with only the dim light of your phone to find the toilets (not that you’ll need a light; the smell will lead you there). When you don’t want to leave your tent to… you know… make, an empty Pringles tube is a surprisingly nifty temporary solution. You will learn very quickly to give a wide berth to anyone moving quickly with a Pringles tube in their hand.

For more food go to Eat Me Magazine

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