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Celebrity Watch USA: Pippa Middleton's Weekend Romp And Arnie's Personal 9/11

by Tom Greaney
21 May 2011 4 Comments

This week Trump puts and end to his game of political charades, The Terminator has a love child, Pippa Middleton romps with pals and Steve Tyler talks gay sex...

Skintight Pippa

With Duchess Kate, England’s replacement rose, on a honeymoon and the US desperate to keep the story going, attention has inevitably turned on Pippa Middleton. US weekly just ran a big story about Pippa going out to lunch in skintight jeans. They described Middleton as a “socialite and entrepreneur” which loosely translates to rich parents, famous sister and unemployed.

Yet that isn’t the only strange use of language in the piece. US weekly went on to describe how “The son of the Duke of Northumberland (one of the richest men in England), Percy, 26, accompanied Pippa and her pals for a weekend romp in Madrid, Spain.”

Son of one of the richest men in England? A weekend romp? With Pippa AND pals? Now with British tabloid paper educated eyes one can only read that sentence and think Percy is one lucky sod.

And then feel terrible when you read the next sentence.

“Middleton’s current beau of one year, Alex Loudon, stayed behind in London.”

I mean, of all the romps to miss out on.

Trump Pulls Out.

Donald Trump has proved to be nothing more than a prick and a tease, when this week he announced he would not be running for President.

Disaster. Who is gong to save us from China and the Somali Pirates now?

Lord knows, but Trump leaves the race with the same humility he entered by saying:

“I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election,”

So he thinks “What’s happening to this country is unbelievably bad.” and that he would win the “general election”.

So, let us get this straight he thinks he is the one person that could solve the problems of America and that he would get elected if he ran? But he isn’t going to run?

The man’s an arse.

Stranger McDanger

In Britain we don’t get to see much of Ronald McDonald. Yet in the United States of America he is a prominent figure, in adverts, restaurants and in the dreams of tubby kids. However that loveable guy who just loves burgers and children is being recommended to be put out to pasture and thus ultimately into a patty.

Jack McKee, Vice President of Ace Metrix, spoke of his company’s survey results that polled responses to a new Ronald McDonald ad campaign: “It’s really remarkable how often I saw the word ‘creepy.’”

Creepy? Why do they only realize this now? Have a look at an early Ronald advert below.

But McDonald’s CEO Jim Skinner has come to the clown’s defense claiming that Ronald “is an ambassador for good, Ronald McDonald isn’t going anywhere.”

Of course, forgetting Ronald’s full title of “An ambassador for good, that only exists in order to encourage children to eat unhealthy food.”

Schwarzenegger Tragedy

The man dubbed by George W Bush as “Conan the Republican” caught the news this week by revealing that he has a 10-year-old love child with his former housekeeper. This news comes as Arnie and his wife recently divorced after he finished his role as Governor of California.

It is big news over here, with everyone chipping in with a comment. The winner of the most idiotic response goes to Dr. Alan E. Kazdin, director of Yale University’s Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic who said, “This event is like a personal 9/11.”

You have to be worried this “personal 9/11” phrase has legs.

Dude looks like a lady...

Stephen Tyler

Stephen Tyler, Aerosmith front man and American Idol Judge is releasing an autobiography and like anyone trying to sell a book he is spilling his secrets out on national TV first. The one causing the largest interest is his dabbling in homosexuality. Tyler explained in an interview with ABC this week “Gay sex just doesn’t do it for me. I tried it one time when I was younger, but I just didn’t dig it.”

Things are so different in America aren’t they? I mean, you just couldn’t imagine one of our singing contest judges, like, I don’t know, Louis Walsh saying such a thing.

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image descriptionCOMMENTS

Richard Luck 12:49 pm, 21-May-2011

“This event is like a personal 9/11” - nothing like a spot of over-statement. Great stuff as always, Tom. I've been thinking of compiling a Celebrity Watch Catford. The material's pretty thin ("Bloke from The Bill buys samosas from covered market") but I'd like to think there'd be an audience.

skoobydubious 10:50 pm, 21-May-2011

What with Louis being so butch and all.

Adam Coles 1:29 am, 22-May-2011

I prefer your old Planet Flexy schtick.

sylvia holtzman 6:03 am, 30-May-2011

Always a good read. How about that Kim getting engaged.

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