A slag-ish mix of carbs, protein, fat and salt that keeps you thirsty enough to stay for another drink, and just the right side of hungry to put you off leaving the bar in search of dinner. Here's why I love them and how to make them...
I once thought that it would be alcohol that would result in my untimely death, but after much consideration, it is these meals that are to die for... literally.
After what seems like years, the final three faced off in the Masterchef kitchen. Strawberries, a Joe Pasquale impression and Gregg Wallace's rising crotch were all to the fore as Shelina proved what we all knew weeks ago...
The new series of Masterchef is in full swing, so you know what that means?... That's right, emotional breakdowns, over-aggressive judges and culinary fuck-ups on a huge scale.
So, Masterchef is back. Two of TV's most cumbersome idiots return to our screens, and we sign up to be patronised as they eulogise over Parsnip foam...
Are you bored of bolognese? Tired of tikka masala? Is the only thing worse than your grumbling belly the crippling thought of another Pot Noodle? Well worry not, as these cookery classes will banish your nightmares of dinner-time mediocrity forever.
Jamie Oliver is back on our screens, and this time he's aiming his cheeky-chappy roadshow at discovering the roots of British cuisine. There's cooking outdoors, happy-go-lucky racial stereotypes and boredom, teeth aching boredom...
And so, the egg-timer dings on Masterchef Professionals. For the losers, it's a return to culinary obscurity, and for the winner, it's a dream opportunity in... well, culinary obscurity.
Tonight, this strangely compelling series will build to an almighty crescendo where all three utterly forgettable contestants will have to make a really nice lunch for Michel and Gregg.
Sick of cooking chicken, eating chicken and everything else tasting like chicken? Welcome to lean, mean, offal cuisine. First up, a lovely bit of tongue.