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A Yorkshireman's Guide To Yorkshire

by Dave Lee
30 October 2013 88 Comments

Here's a completely unbiased, fastidiously researched dissection of God’s Own County...

As a resident for the past 40-odd years I know that Yorkshire is the friendliest, coolest and most beautiful place in the World. And the people generous, intelligent and modest. Keep yer Goa, yer California, yer Mustique – there’s no finer place to be than sat outside a country boozer with a pint of best and a view over one of the many spectacular vistas (cloth cap and whippet optional, but recommended). But Yorkshire is big, its 3 million square acres stretch almost coast to coast and from Geordieland down to the Midlands. You may need a little help deciding which bit you want visit so take a skeg at this reet gradely guide, y’barmpots.

A rough, mental image of the Ridings:

North Yorkshire – Think Emmerdale crossed with Heartbeat.

West Yorkshire – Think Red Riding crossed with Kes.

East Yorkshire – Think Larkin crossed with the Housemartins.

Atmosphere:

Wherever you are in Yorkshire you feel cosseted and welcome, you’re never more than a walk away from a cracking boozer or comforting food and people actively go out of their way to talk to you (up yours, London). There are, though, distinct vibe variations operating as you move around.

The Leeds/ Bradford and the Sheffield/Rotherham conurbations mean that the West is the most densely populated and cosmopolitan (‘don’t talk to me about sophistication, I’ve been to Leeds’) which is fine if you want to buy a pair of braces or need a unbeatably blinding curry but it can make even the shortest drive or walk a nightmarish trawl through endless windy, updowny, speed camera and satanic mill strewn streets.

The quickest way to confirm you are encountering someone from the West is to check if they are carrying a crossbow or dragging round a dead prostitute.

The East, while featuring the subtly beautiful, unspoilt Wolds and some quietly rugged coast, can occasionally feel a little empty – like Craggy Island or Dungeness in parts – but I defy anyone to stand with fish & chips on Brid seafront or sit in the corner of the bar in Nellie’s of Beverley nursing a pint and not grin till it aches. Oh, and if you’re near Hull try a patty butty with plenty of vinegar – deep-fried genius.

When it comes to pure, unquestionable spectacularishness you have to say North Yorkshire wins hands down. Just a look at the names – Wensleydale, York, Whitby, Staiths, Harrogate, Goathland, Rievaulx, Robin Hood’s Bay, Pickering, Bedale, Helmsley, many, many more – reminds you that it has an amazing concentration of ace places. And then there’s the landscape – from highest hill to deepest dale, from coast to moor to forest it is absolutely magnificent. Sorry to sound like a fawning tosspot but it really is as fine a place as you’ll find on Earth.

Deportment:

You can tell the people of Yorkshire apart by their accent, clothing and personality. If they’re wearing a flat cap, shit-encrusted wellies and say ‘ey up’ as they unsmilingly pass you on a puddled farm track then you’re in the North. The East Yorkshire dress code is relatively undefined but there is often a propensity toward rugby scarves and Primarni fashion for which they often pay ‘narn narnty narn’. The quickest way to confirm you are encountering someone from the West is to check if they are carrying a crossbow or dragging round a dead prostitute. Even if they are they’ll still proudly inform you in a cartoon Mel B voice that there’s a Harvey Nichols in Leeds.

Architecture:

The West has a strong industrial heritage so you get a lot of big mills and handsome stone buildings. The North is all picturesque farm houses and country estates and the East is roughly the same with the addition of the Humber Bridge, the most magnificently pointless structure on the planet.

Water:

East  – hard

West – soft

North – soft with hard bits.

Culture:

Simple this one. West for music, film, TV and nights out. East for poetry and painting. In the North there’s little to do but sit in old farmhouses in the middle of nowhere getting hammered on Chartreuse and melting the soles of your Doc Martins with a lighter (very much based on personal experience this one).

Safety:

Fairly safe in the East as long as you stay off the trawlers and some danger of loosing your arm in farming equipment in the North. You could fall into a inadequately decommissioned pit in the West but you’re normally safe as long as you’re not targeted by the notoriously insane West Yorkshire constabulary or have a chavvy mother who thinks that hiding you for weeks in a divan drawer is an innovative way to generate income.

Sport:

Not sure how to measure this one. Sport in North Yorkshire seems to consist entirely of country shows and gymkhanas, in the East its Australians and Kiwis playing Rugby League and in the West its underachieving football teams. In an attempt to deliberately piss off Leeds Utd fans we’ll call it a draw.

That’s about it for now. Obviously there’s much, much more to this most wonderful place but it’ll have to wait for part 2, I’m off to slide down a hill in a bathtub.

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image descriptionCOMMENTS

Emma Clarke 10:15 am, 13-Jan-2011

An excellent insight into Yorkshite. You didn't mention that Hull stinks of fish though - shame. Will you come and write something about Cheshire? It's a great place with lots of National Trust properties, you know.

Neil Holmes 10:19 am, 13-Jan-2011

Nice one, its good to travel but always a relief to back in God's own county!

Mel Simone Elliott 10:26 am, 13-Jan-2011

I have absolutely no idea what a patty butty is. Do tell. And... I think Yorkshire is very friendly so long as you 'fit in'. When I moved from Barnsley to London at the age of 33, I found London to be extremely welcoming.

Russ 11:27 am, 13-Jan-2011

Marvellous piece of propaganda. Our Lancastrian cousins can only stare in envy from behind their rain lashed windows.

Ricardo 11:48 am, 13-Jan-2011

You mention the Ridings , then go on throughout the piece North , East and West Yorkshire as though they are the same places as the North , East and West Ridings of Yorkshire. Either your fastidious research is flawed ,you are ignorant of the facts or you're getting your terminology confused. Oh and "Geordieland to the Midlands" Don't think the residents of Co.Durham and Sunderland will be too enamoured to be told they are are part of the Geordie nation! Derbyshire in the Midlands? At a push I guess. Why was Scarborough missed out of your Yorkshire N.R. ace places? Have you lived here too?

Dave Lee 11:58 am, 13-Jan-2011

Mel, I checked online for an accurate description of a patty butty but all the references I found were instantly covered in drool.

Dave Lee 12:36 pm, 13-Jan-2011

I find it intriguing, Ricardo, that you question my geographical veracity yet my claim that everyone in the West Riding is a prossie killer goes unchallenged. Are you a crossbow owner?

Christina S 1:07 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Bigging up Yorkshire is the only circumstance in which Yorkshire folk will let other Yorkshire folk off for being fawning tosspots. You are forgiven. Ah, Leeds and Harvey Nics. Funny how people think the place has gone upmarket because of a posh shop. The canal front might have been done up an all, but scum and rubbish still float ont watter on a fine day, which is as it should be.

Andie 1:09 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Emma, I must disagree. Hull does not stink of fish, because we have no fish industry any more. It does however stink. Mainly due to the open "drains" that (try to) stop the city flooding and the piles of discarded smack needles all over the council estates. Anyone with any sense will leave Hull at the earliest opportunity & spend the rest of their live dining out on telling everyone what a narrow escape it was, because it could have been my family that Fergie came to show how to eat proper, like what them posh southerners do... I long for a Bob Carvers Patty butty...

Kenny Whizzbang 1:13 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Hull used to have an aroma of fish, but with the decline of the fishing industry here, this is no longer the case. I had to correct that outdated and lazy accusation.

Dave Lee 1:16 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Sorry Andie but Carver's Patty buttys are not the best recommendation for foreigners. You want to be at Challis's on Hessle Road or that one on the end of Pickering Road in Gypsyville. I will post you one for a small fee.

Ricardo 1:56 pm, 13-Jan-2011

It went unchallenged Dave because its the truth isn't it? And as a prossie myself I've no need for a crossbow.

Keith Wildman 2:08 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Nice one. Yorkshire's ace. The people, the countryside, the food, the beer, the history. Why would anyone want to live anywhere else?

Sean Bell 2:19 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Top words Dave, top words indeed !

Whitsun Wedding 2:21 pm, 13-Jan-2011

For those who want to know, a 'patty' is a fishcake from the East Riding made with sage. There are varying recipes from Hull through to Hornsea, depending on which chippy you visit. Personally, I recommend Withernsea's Golden Haddock.

Russ 2:38 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Point of order Whitsun - there is no fish in a pattie. There is potato and sage and nothing else. Sorry to be pedantic, but these things matter.

Jimmy 2:38 pm, 13-Jan-2011

What about South Yorkshire? Since when was Sheffield/Rotherham West Yorkshire?

Kenny Whizzbang 2:41 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Traditionally, fish isn't used, but as you say, there may be varying recipes. A bit more background here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pattie_%28fried_potato_dish%29

Ricardo 2:45 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Rotherham and Sheffield have always been and remain for now and ever more in the West Riding of Yorkshire.

Dazzar86 3:23 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Dave, in the architecture bit, you've missed out how Hull differs completely due to it's Dutch and Flemish influences. In the West bit, you should have said you can tell they're from the West if they either; A: Have a caravan B: go on holiday in Bridlington or C: think they rule Yorkshire.

Chris 4:14 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Sheffield/Rotherham? North Midlands aren't they?

Dave lee 4:48 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Dazzer, after the floods a lot people call a caravan a permanent domicile on their tax forms.

Dave Lee 5:26 pm, 13-Jan-2011

I'm sorry, Whitsun, but if you are encountering fish in your patty then you are being worryingly defrauded. To clarify, As a fishing port Hull sold it's incoming catch immediately to other regions, so as to make maximum profit. Ironically, this meant that the city was occasionally left bereft of fish. Enterprising chip shop owners began offering battered, then deep-fried mashed potato and herbs roundels as a substitute and the patty as we know it was born. Little could these fish-starved entrepreneurs have realised that their stop-gap invention would go on to be symbiotically fused with a breadcake and lashings of non-brewed condiment to be dubbed by the former second-most-important-man-in-the-UK, the man who would have lead us into war had Blair had a tummy upset John Prescott himself (no slouch in food terms)as 'the single greatest foodstuff know to humanity'. Mashed tatty, herbs, batter, deep fried. THAT'S a patty. I've no idea what you're eating, lad.

Grubberkick 5:33 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Sheffield was part of the West Riding when I was younger. I remember learning at school the new South Yorkshire, West Yorkshire etc bollox... nothing lasts forever does it, God can't even look after his own county..

Keith Wildman 5:44 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Dave, by breadcake I'm assuming you mean teacake.

Dave Lee 5:46 pm, 13-Jan-2011

Fuck off, Keith. You've never even been east of the A1, what do you know about it?

H. Flowers 8:07 pm, 13-Jan-2011

I keep hearing about the chips in Yorkshire. The ones I have noticed most are the ones on most Yorkshiremen's shoulders.

Ricardo 11:40 pm, 13-Jan-2011

*Ridings is a Viking word meaning "third" *Ridings in existence since the Viking era *In 1881 County Councils based on the Ridings came into existence *In 1974 they were abolished. That is the COUNCILS were abolished NOT the Ridings they were based on. *You are still legally entitled to use the Ridings on your birth certificate and as your postal address. *The Ridings still exist. *It is the duty of every Yorkshireman and Yorkshirewoman to pass this on. Middlesbrough is in the North Riding. Hull is in the East Riding. Sheffield is in the West Riding. *Always have.....always will.

Lisa 12:38 am, 14-Jan-2011

I know you're talking pre 1974 (like I can remember!) but if you're gonna talk about Yorkshire and split it out, then you've got to do it in 4 parts. North, South, East and West, all great in their own right but very different. As a Westie (not a prostitute, nor a killer) I am proud of my Bradfordian roots, but as much as I love my southern sisters and brothers Donnie, Sheff, Rotherham or Barnsley. I am not from South Yorkshire and they are not from West Yorkshire, a point we all agree on.

Christina S 1:24 am, 14-Jan-2011

H. Flowers, why would we have chips on our shoulders when we are better than everyone else?

Russ 1:29 am, 14-Jan-2011

I prefer Humberside to East Yorkshire. It reminds me of the 80's, when the lines were more clearly drawn.

Dave Lee 10:54 am, 14-Jan-2011

Woah, woah, woah! Humberside? That includes Lincolnshire. Let's not say things we'll come to regret, Russ.

MmmDonuts 11:37 am, 14-Jan-2011

Another point of commonality missed is that "All Yorkshiremen shag sheep" Great article though

Dave Lee 11:48 am, 14-Jan-2011

Sorry, MmmDonuts, but you're going to upset the Welsh if you claim their heritage for Yorkshire.

Daniel H 3:06 pm, 14-Jan-2011

Nice article. No real mention of 'The Beverly Hills of The North' - Huddersfield! Why not? Lovely place. Ace football team. Harold Wilson. Birthplace of Rugby League. Imposing train station. Friendly people. And a place called 'FARTown'.

Keith Wildman 6:21 pm, 14-Jan-2011

Not to mention a penchant for canine buggery Dan!

Erik Bloodaxe 11:12 pm, 14-Jan-2011

How can you have a section on sport and not mention cricket? Tha'll never play for Yorkshire!

Squadron Leader 12:50 am, 15-Jan-2011

Emma, having entered Cheshire albeit briefly, I found it full of pretentious folk striving to find both their identity and sexuality. You are Rutland, you have about as much history as Australia and the acreage of a large football field on East Park in Hull. Move home, enter the kingdom of the Lord, for his garden is open to all. Yorkshire, where disciples reside.

Emma Clarke 10:47 am, 15-Jan-2011

I've never been so insulted in my life. Pretentious? Moi? I mean, OK, the queue outside World of Onyx gets a bit intense on a Saturday morning but come on. While I can't speak for the rest of Cheshire (and who, frankly, would want to?) I a) know my identity (the police are always asking me what it is so it's become a very well-remembered piece of personal information for me) and b) I have a sexuality. I am not Rutland. Also, Andie: you are deluded. Hull stinks of fish. Nothing more needs to be said.

HelenOC 11:33 am, 15-Jan-2011

I love you all for brightening my Saturday morning! They are 100% BREAD CAKES! and although it's moderately controversial Sheffield will always be South Yorkshire for me.

Dave lee 3:10 pm, 15-Jan-2011

Emma, as a woman you should know better than to inflame a debate about areas that stink of fish. There's only one direction that's going.

MmmDonuts 5:27 pm, 15-Jan-2011

As a Yorkshirewoman I'm surprised your husband let's you use his computer.

AJWSmith 10:36 pm, 18-Jan-2011

Yorkshire is a friendly place, but when I moved to London I was surprised to find how friendly the Big Smoke was as well. I thought it was going to be hostile and unwelcoming - but got the exact opposite. But it's always great to return to God's Own County.

Aidan 11:46 pm, 23-Jan-2011

Hull? They buggered off to somewhere called "humberside" - they're not allowed back.

Pete 12:57 am, 25-Jan-2011

We didn't bugger off we were dragged against our will. Nice article but ruined by a failure to mention Cricket. I suspect you may not be what you say you are Mr Lee

Dave Lee 11:14 am, 25-Jan-2011

Since some people seem distraught that I haven't mentioned cricket I should justify it's omission by saying that ever since that grim day in 1992 when the Yorkshire CCC decided to let any old Tom, Dick or southerner play for the county 'Yorkshire cricket' has become a meaningless phrase and therefore unworthy of consideration.

Jorvik 10:17 pm, 1-Feb-2011

Point of order on the Ridings debate, York has never been part of a Riding. It is surrounded by the Ainsty (freedom) of York and is classed as separate, a historical fact often over looked and reinstated once York got classed as a unitary authority away from the NYCC... honestly, kids these days...

MmmDonuts 1:50 pm, 11-Feb-2011

Good to see the news that Sutcliffe wasn't responsible for the Preston lass. But what a surprise, the man responsible was from the West Riding (Leeds), supporting the killers tag further.

Metsecman 4:58 am, 1-Mar-2011

Think Yorkshireman: Think, Boorish, Boring, Self centred and arrogant to name a few attributes. And, no I am not a Lancastrian. Hadrians wall was built about 100 mile too far north! Incidentally why can't they use the definite article? Trouble in' head no doubt. However I will concede Yorkshire pudding is not bad.

The Axe 3:12 pm, 18-Mar-2011

the comments are as good as the article. great read.

scott 2:55 pm, 19-Mar-2011

whats happened to south yorkshire? since when has sheffield/rotherham been in west yorkshire? idiot

MmmDonuts 3:20 pm, 19-Mar-2011

He's talking on the Ridings there is no South Riding 'cept on BBC - idiot!

Keith Wildman 4:27 pm, 19-Mar-2011

Sheffield and Rotherham are/were in the West Riding Scott. There never has been a South Riding.

Wibble 12:56 pm, 21-Mar-2011

I'm from North Yorkshire - he was about right actually!

David 1:19 pm, 21-Mar-2011

Great to see nellies in Beverley get a mention. A pub where you can still buy a round of drinks for your entire extended family and still get change from a £2 coin

@HullRePublic 9:39 am, 24-Apr-2011

Liked the article Dave, serves well as a 'rough guide' and is more or less on target. Don't agree with the Humber Bridge being pointless though - having had to drive round via bloody Goole the other day to get to the Southbank! (it was closed off southbound due to another leap to victory, by some poor soul) This seems to have triggered a lot of Hull feeling in the comments box. I see another article emerging for you there kid. The best bit for us was your introducing us to the birth of the pattie. We never knew. Why would we though - we're from Hull. Keep on keeping on. Oh yeah, and 'up a bit'

Me 12:39 am, 14-May-2011

The definition of a Yorkshireman is a Scotsman who is careful with his money

janeyanne 8:11 pm, 19-May-2011

love this kept me laughing for hours had to forward it on to exiled hullites

Jane 10:29 pm, 20-Jun-2011

That pattie butty? You need chips with it. Otherwise there's just not enough starch.

Johnny L 2:01 pm, 1-Aug-2011

Yorkshire - wherever a Yorkshireman happens to be at any given time.

Daisy 2:25 pm, 1-Aug-2011

This is a great piece - thank you for reminding me about Nellie's! I'm not sure about Hull smelling of fish, but York definitely smells of toffee and burned cake.

Brian 5:14 pm, 1-Aug-2011

I remember walking to the North end Fish bar when i were a littlun to get a Patty Butty. they also sold fishcakes which were deep fried in bread crumbs not batter...cira 1970. I lived in Withernsea, moved to Beverley (Nellies was my fav gaslit pub ) then to Victoria BC Canada. Nothing wrong with Yorkshire and most of the people who live there, honourable mentions to Boycott and Trueman, i`ll sithe.

carl 5:31 pm, 1-Aug-2011

whats wrong with Lincolnshire

Rebellious Jukebox 6:19 pm, 1-Aug-2011

I have an ex-mother-in-law from West Yorkshire - rather prejudiced me against the place, although I'm sure not all mother-in-laws from West Yorkshire are able to achieve the combination of bigotry and arrogance that she does. Whats wrong with Lincolnshire, Carl? My ex-mother-in-law lives there!

mike kemble (UK) 2:57 pm, 2-Aug-2011

There is only ONE county - Yorkshire!! The rest are but pale imitations.

Not Just Me Then! 11:50 am, 3-Aug-2011

There's no South Riding/Yorkshire? I'll second that. My partner thinks I'm deluded but since I was born in Lincolnshire, spent decades in Hull and fought for the East Yorkshire restoration against the Tory morons, I'm another one who knows. By the way, thanks for all the comments, great laugh but some of it cringingly true!

mike kemble (UK) 12:32 pm, 3-Aug-2011

south riding exists only by name of a fictional book. BUT South Yorkshire does exist. And, having read some of the comments in here, was wondering why people have to be pseudo macho and swear?

milly 7:50 pm, 22-Aug-2011

anyone have anything to say about the CHAVs?

mike kemble (UK) 10:44 pm, 22-Aug-2011

you mean apart from string 'em up!

andy 2:54 pm, 1-Aug-2012

I feel South Yorkshire is a bit misrepresented here, even though we used to be a part of West Riding, few people don't think Sheffield and Doncaster are in Yorkshire.

djpekingman 5:02 pm, 1-Aug-2012

Hillrepublic - why on earth would anybody ever want to go to the 'southbank'? Except to laugh at folk living in converted windmills? For the record Hessle used to smell of fish. a lot. Sheffield, Rotherham, Barnsley Donny and Wakey used to smell of sulphur and soot. Huddersfield, Dewsbury et al used to smell of mungo and shoddy. Central Leeds used to smell of malted hops from Tetleys. The only only one missed is the latter thanks to those bastards from Carlsberg Brewery. Bradford, does however smell, quite mouthwateringly of curry.

Colonel Willowby-Gore St. Johns 8:14 pm, 1-Aug-2012

That Yorkshire lass from the Wright Stuff is a corker. She had the good sense to move daan saaf, though.

Skin Ed 10:14 pm, 1-Aug-2012

"3 million square acres"? Admit it, you don't know how units of area work, do you?

Ianbrownshairdo 2:15 pm, 14-Dec-2012

The majority of West Yorkshire is a shit-hole. Anyone lolling at it through very rose tinted ray bans lives or had visited one of the good bits. I lived there for the the first 20 years of my life and I have to say, hand on heart it makes me upset everytime I have to go back. Get out or die tryin'

Ianbrownshairdo 2:17 pm, 14-Dec-2012

*looking *has

mark brown 1:51 pm, 15-Dec-2012

Hull don't smell of fish lol when I first moved here from Coventry it used t smell f cocoa from the large cocoa mill . I worked and stayed all over the country and I must say its lovely and the press digs at it are unfounded . The music scene is thriving and electronic music has two of the most amazing nights in de ja vu and shinobi . I think most people form there opinion when driving in as the A63 brings you in via the docks and prision so looks grim but venture in and the people are amazing and good humoured . And for the record a Ull orginal pattie is deep fried mash potatoes with sage they do do it with fish as well yum, yum Yorkshire Yorkshire

Mick L 9:13 pm, 29-Mar-2013

Eee, Ah'll gu t'bottom of arr steers. Wi a deed prossie.

Bob C 9:29 pm, 29-Mar-2013

Can`t believe you`ve mentioned Hull and not included Hull Fair. Biggest travelling fair in Europe.Now thats where patties taste the best!

placid 9:40 pm, 29-Mar-2013

FAO Ianbrownshairdo - do you wash your face with a flannel of overstatement? Think this article is about Yorkshire in general. Although some good stuff come out of W Yorks. Barbara Hepworth, David Hockney, Peter O Toole, 1st ever moving picture, Henry Moore, Rugby League... And maybe even you CHO!

ShorehamEnder 9:47 pm, 29-Mar-2013

You mention West, North and East Yorkshire, but not South in those listings?

Lee 9:56 am, 30-Mar-2013

Having worked my way the Yorkshire ladder (Hull to Doncaster to Leeds) I recognise plenty in your guide, but espcecially like the patty butty mention. As a student in Hull (from Grimsby originally) I grew to love this culinary delight, but always struggled to feel comfortable when ordering. I either sounded like a chav by dropping the 'Ts' in both words or extremely posh by pronouncing the 'Ts' correctly. Any advice on how to correctly say it would solve a 15 yr old dilemma. Thanks Matty Tutty

Tom 12:33 pm, 18-Apr-2013

The best people are the middle class Huddersfield dwellers, we spend a lot of our time laughing at the Yorkshire dialect and accent, but as soon as we go south of Birmingham we realize that's how we talk. As far as i'm concerned leeds is wakey for tourists.

CraigLondon 10:42 pm, 29-Apr-2013

As a Londoner,living in this madhole...I have to say that Yorkshire sounds fucking alright to me :)

Suburban Bushwacker 9:09 am, 13-Jun-2013

For readers from across the pond Yorkshire is the Texas of england. Hence: As my father used to say 'never ask a man if he's from yorkshire, if he isn't you'll be embarrassing him and if he is he'll already have told you so'.

East Riding Native 12:42 am, 27-Jun-2013

Born and brought up in Hull I don't remember any smell of fish there or in Hessle. The main smell in my time there in WW2 was smoke and dust - a little known fact is that Hull was the heaviest bombed city (in bombs per square mile) than ANYWHERE else in the UK. They tried but they couldn't bring it to a stop.

ridinghigh 10:02 pm, 31-Jul-2013

I believed it Yorkshire custom to reserve judgement and assume anyone from out of Yorkshire to be a twat... till you got to know them.

Stringer 6:48 pm, 27-Aug-2013

Leeds United stir the emotions like no other team. I dont know why, they just do. WAFLL.

iain bennett 1:55 am, 10-Sep-2013

Y

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