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Why The Sopranos Is Still The Greatest Show On Earth
Here's why David Chase’s epic 86 episode mob opus remains the gun-toting, therapy-seeking, wise-cracking Godfather of TV.
Had I been smart enough to develop pre-testicular sterility just before committing to procreation, it would’ve taken me a lot less than a year and four months to plough through the entire Sopranos box set. But I didn’t, and it did.
Nonetheless, with strength of character enough to repeatedly ignore my dreadful spawn’s relentless thirst for affection, last week I reached the mountain’s summit. 86 episodes of peerless storytelling. What a view. Breath-taking.
A lot has been said of TV’s canon of excellence. Your Mad Men, your Six Feet Under, your Wire. All of them lickably brilliant, that’s beyond doubt. But having watched the whole thing from beginning to end, twice now, I have no choice but to conclude that David Chase’s gun-toting, horse-torching, spoon-burning, corpse-burying, duck-watching, basement-bugging, therapy-seeking, goomah-banging, gabagool-gorging, asbestos-dumping, abruptly-concluded Mob opus remains unsurpassed. The very best of the very best.
Attempting to deconstruct exactly why I find Tony Soprano’s narrative arc fractionally (and only fractionally) more compelling than Don Draper’s, Nate Fisher’s or Jimmy McNulty’s would be an act of analytical futility equivalent to comparing sex toys with golf carts. If you were to push me however, and I were to start reasoning why this Tantus Flex Double Penetrator trumps that E-Z-Go Freedom TXT I’d have to say the answer lies roughly one to three inches inside screenwriting’s anterior vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra. (Push your fingers up then arch them back towards the Skene’s gland in a beckoning motion – you’ll find it eventually.)
As far as character, conflict, complication, crisis-climax, and resolution are concerned, you really couldn’t get a cigarette paper between the contenders – a photo-finish. But if you look closely, run the latter stages of the race frame by frame, you’ll clearly see that fat Tony breaks the tape first. Not because profound obesity has his navel breaching the finish line before he’s even left the blocks. Nor because he bows out in the finest closing sequence this side of Butch & Sundance. No. For me, Big T takes gold simply because Chase and his team of writers managed to master one plot device the others rarely had the sand to even dabble with: comedy.
As far as character, conflict, complication, crisis-climax, and resolution are concerned, you really couldn’t get a cigarette paper between the contenders – a photo-finish
In amongst all the bloodletting, vinegar peppers, racism and misogyny, the Bada Bing manifests almost as many belly laughs as it does jiggling tits. And without a single one ever feeling awkward or out of place (jokes, not udders).
End-to-end the six series (no seasons please, we’re British) come in at 4,300 minutes, and during that time I honestly think I laughed as many times as I have done throughout all the Curb Your Enthusiams. Enthusiams… Enthusiasms… Enthusiams. That’s some strike rate for a show no one would ever dare describe as a sit-com.
There’s enough old-school gags told to give Bob Monkhouse’s joke book a run for its money, my personal favourtie being: Guy comes home to his wife with a duck under his arm, he says, “This is the pig I’ve been fucking.” His wife says, “That’s not a pig, it’s a duck.” The guy says, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
Then there’s slapstick; more slapstick; Janice cramming for her Proctology finals; everything Paulie ever said; everything Uncle June ever said; Silvio Dante’s face; and of course Ralph Cifaretto’s mushroom-cloud remark about the mole on Ginny Sack’s arse. Oof, marone!
Should the past ever catch up with me, as it inevitably will, I’ll gladly forego my last meal if the warden will let me watch ‘Pine Barrens’ instead (series 3, episode 11 – comfortably the most rewarding hour I’ve spent in front of a television set that didn’t involve a box of tissues and the lingering smell of self-loathing). An astonishing piece of work by all involved, particular praise going to principal actors Michael Imperioli (Chris Moltisanti) and Tony Sirico (Paulie ‘Walnuts’ Gaultieri) whose double act chemistry channels all the greats from Abbot & Costello right through to Davidson & Virgo.
comfortably the most rewarding hour I’ve spent in front of a television set that didn’t involve a box of tissues and the lingering smell of self-loathing
Having been set the routine task of collecting money from an associate of the Russian mob (Chris: Russians? They’re not all bad. Paulie: How ’bout the Cuban Missile Crisis? Cocksuckers flew four nuclear missiles into Cuba, pointed them right at us. Chris: That was real? I saw that movie, I thought it was bullshit), by the third act, through a combination of ineptitude and anger management issues, the pair are reduced to sucking frozen ketchup sachets for sustenance while shivering under some carpet they found in an abandoned A-team van.
Hardly a surprise when you consider how wrong things go from the start – the Russian, balls like watermelons, suggesting they fellate him for the money the second they arrive at his apartment. There’s a fight, a lamp is used as a cudgel. All very messy.
So it’s off to the Pine Barrens, a snowbound sprawl of pine trees and fuck-all-else that stretches for miles in every direction, to dump the body. But the body’s still alive. And it escapes, despite being severely concussed and still in its pyjamas.
Having somehow contrived to be outwitted by a drunk Russian lummox with a fractured skull and half his ear blown off, Dumb & Dumber are now lost and stranded in plummeting temperatures clothed only in loafers and slacks. Ray Mears they ain’t.
After a quick round or two of the Blame Game and no little scaremongering (Chris: For all we know, he could be out there stalking us. Paulie: With what? His cock?), Walnuts, his famed grey fins so wind-frapped and dishevelled it looks like he’s warming his ears under a swan’s carcass, puts in a call to the Skip – an SOS, if you will – begging Daddy to come rescue them. But all Daddy cares about is that the job’s done. And that’s when it happens: the greatest misunderstanding in the history of shit reception…
Tony: [Over the phone] It’s a bad connection so I’m gonna talk fast. The guy you’re looking for is an ex-commando. He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed.
Paulie: Get the fuck outta here.
Tony: Yeah. Nice, huh? He was with the Interior Ministry. Guy’s like a Russian green beret. He can NOT come back and tell this story. You understand?
Paulie: I hear you. [Hangs up, turns to Chris] …You’re not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. Guy was an interior decorator.
Chris: His house looked like shit.
Boom! You don’t get work of that quality at Sterling Cooper Draper Price, no matter how much money you throw at it. I rest my case. Now go grab me a mortadell’ and provolone, amico – I’m so hungry I could eat the hair off your sister’s cunt. Oh!
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COMMENTS
Agreed.
Thats my favourite Episode to its hilarious
Is right. Not to mention the inspired soundtracks used. Chickentown, what da fuck?
100% agreed. I watched the box set 18 months ago. I still miss Tony. I can feel round 2 coming on...
best series ever the wire and breaking bad run it close though
Never seen any of it. Been saving it up for ages and seriously looking forward to it.Good piece, dude. I'd rate The Shield as waaaay better than The Wire, though.
Darren, Now that you're finished watching the entire series, I encourage you to read the now legendary treatise on the ending that I have linked below. I have to warn you though it may make you want to watch the entire series (and not just the last season) again. It will cement your opinion that the The Sopranos is the greatest show ever. http://masterofsopranos.wordpress.com/the-sopranos-definitive-explanation-of-the-end/
That master of sopranos blog is indeed a fascinating essay, I devoured that shortly after completing the box set which made me fall in love with the show even more. For me, I can't pick between this, the wire, or breaking bad. Season, sorry series (!) 4 of the wire being without question the finest series of tv I've ever seen, but as a body of work I can't honestly say which is the best. Breaking bad being the most immediate and compulsive, with Walter whites arc being every bit as fascinating as Tony sopranos. All very special, and all piss over the most overrated show on Tv, homeland. Which let's face it so far is nothing more than ok. Thanks for posting great read.
Yeah, it's the greatest. And Pine Barrens is the best episode. Pauly Walnuts' use of the phrase 'Stop being so cunty' has left a permanent mark in my brain. If you go on the tour in New York it culminates in a trip to the Bada-Bing, known as Satin Dolls in real life. I got to sit there at the bar watching the girls do their stuff. Magic.
Surely any Sopranos tour worth going on would be in New Jersey?
you hit the nail on the head with Pine Barrens.
I'm not much of a TV watcher, I must say. For every work of excellence - Sopranos, the Shield, etc, there seems to be a river of shit to wade through, sons of anarchy being a case in point. I thought Deadwood was excellent too.
it all went a bit rubbish when Ralphie died. The laughs stopped and it got a bit dull. Despite this, still the best (after the Wire and Friday Night Lights)
You are absolutely correct. The Sopranos have given me more pure entertainment value than The Wire, Six Feet Under, Mad Men, & Breaking Bad combined. And all these shows are excellent! The Sopranos remains in a class by itself because it was the perfect storm of casting, directing, writing, cinematography, music score...on and on it easily stands alone as the greatest drama in tv history.
First season was fantastic, the rest is far too uneven for it to be considered the "greatest". The Wire destroys The Sopranos, hell the first two seasons of Six Feet do as well. Mad Men is pretentious.
The Sopranos remain unequaled. The only world where The Wire "destroys The Sopranos" is in a Wire troll's head. At least you got the first season of The Sopranos right.
Best show ever!
My favorite episode I was laughing hysterically while reading your post. I just finished the series tonight and I already want to watch it again. My other favorite scene is during Christopher's "intervention" when he calls his mom a name and Paulie punches him!
Most overrated show for sure but apparently you saw every show in the world and concluded it was the best lol
I agree, just a dumb soap opera about gumars, how they made any money is beyond me let alone to support a whole family (mafia that is). No wonder the creator could not get any job after the horrible sopranos ending
Honestly, take your head out of your arse. No, On The Buses is still the best show that ever was. I'll get you butler!
From Tony's opening whinge about the youth of today, to that tight, will he? is he? last scene, a work of genius. I loved The Wire but it has loose moments, and the last series is all a bit one-for-the-money. Breaking Bad too is fantastic TV, but only in the sopranos do people do those un-plot-able things that people do in real life.
RIP Tone.
All of the above is spot on. Another fave of mine is 'Commendatori' Ep4,series 2 when the crew head back to the Old Country and Paulie makes a real tit of himself! Pure genius. Just started on the boxset for the third time. RIP James Gandolfini.
My favorite too, it was also hilarious when Paulie lost his shoe and was saying that to chris like a little kid.
genius storytelling and attention to detail is phenomenal. When there is little more in your head other than racing home and sticking the next episode on EVERY night you know you are onto something special. Paulie gets most of the great lines. When he walks into the bing after the rumour about Vito and says " I tell ya this much, anybody spread rumours like that about me gets something right up the ass, and it won't be no cock neither " the way he delivers it is so funny.
It's probably the worst show I've seen in a long time. It's all about fat rich men cheating on their wives, murdering and not giving a damn about anyone other than themselves. It's a dumb guys show. Six feet under is definitly better.
Well said! The dialogue is irreprodicible. Best show ever.
Goodfellas did a better job than the Sopranos. And its only 2 hours long. If you want to waste your life watching a 60 hour Gangster Soap Opera. Than yeah Sopranos is the best show ever. Some people actually have lives.
So did you waste your life watching it? Or are you guessing?
As far as I'm concerned there would be three shows competing for the top: The Sopranos, The Wire, and Breaking Bad. Sopranos wins--not by a photo finish--by a long mile. And I love The Wire and Breaking Bad.
The Sopranos is simply the best; 'Long term parking' is the best hour of T.V drama I've seen-brilliant.
after all"you don't take a shit where you eat and you really don't the a shit where i eat"
Every time Uncle Junior speaks it is hilarious, unless he sings. Then it makes you cry. It beats all other shows because of one main reason - it understands the human condition and the drama of everyday things whilst finding humour in nearly everything. I also love the line... "You got fired? From Blockbuster? They got fuckin rhesus monkeys over there working as store managers"
Meh, better than Blackadder, Spaced, Porridge, MASH, Simpsons, Faulty Towers, Family Guy, House of Cards (UK), House of Cards (US),...........? I could go on and on and very probably on. Feck orrrfff with yer shitey Mafia bollocks. It was good but not that good.
Uncle Junior is possibly the greatest supporting character in tv drama history
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