The only rule is that they must be available all year round. No Easter eggs allowed.

CADBURYS CREME EGG

They fucked wit the un-fuckwitable when Kraft bought Cadburys and changed the recipe for Creme Eggs earlier this year. There was uproar on the streets. People lost their fucking minds, and quite right too. The resulting egg is a shadow of its former self. The Leeds United of chocolate eggs - better in the 90s.

KINDER EGG

Difficult to buy too many of these without raising a few eyebrows at best, or at worst alerting the attention of Operation Yewtree. For that reason, best to leave alone.

CARAMEL EGG

Even the sexy bunny can’t save this one. The Cadbury’s Caramel egg promises so much but fails to deliver, leaving that same underlying taste of vomit you get with American chocolate. When all is said and done I’d rather eat rabbit shit.

LINDT EGG

Now this is a thing of beauty. Encased in this glorious Swiss chocolate oval is a blob of praline squeezed straight from the tit of a Goddess. It’s marketed as a premium product so you’ll feel like P.Diddy while you eat it, but it’s the same price as all the others. No brainer. 10/10.

MINI EGGS

As more-ish as crack, although all that biting on the sugary coating can make your teeth start to cry tears of pain after too many. I once worked with a bloke who liked to put them in the freezer before eating. I suspect he also liked getting kicked in the balls by women in leather. BTW I know it’s not a chocolate egg in the same way as the others - I wanted to do the Mars egg but couldn’t find any.

GALAXY EGG

Hard as a motherfucker to find these days, but the hunt becomes worth it when you bite open the top and get stuck into soft caramel dream locked inside. Worth stocking up on when you do find a good supplier. If the Lindt egg wasn’t so belt-looseningly delicious this would get the gold medal. Pisses all over Cadburys.

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