He Wants Out, But Will Chelsea Steal Man United’s World-Class Target?

His side welcome Chelsea to the City of Love tonight - so Paris Saint Germain’s Edinson Cavani is probably slumped in a sulk, in a cosmopolitan café just off the Champs-Élysées right now.

Fiddling with his croissant and over-stirring his Americano, the Uruguayan has a lot playing on his mind. Namely, how can he get a Premier League club to take a £58 million punt on him to rescue from his misery this summer?

I’m not great at Spanish, but Cavani’s announcement in this evening press conference that he can’t speculate on where he will be next year, roughly translated to ‘definitely not here, you’re kidding aren’t you?’.

Well, luckily for him, there are two such clubs currently smashing their piggy banks and fingering the coppers within.

This evening’s opponents, Chelsea, and Manchester United have both loved Cavani long time, and, with both in desperate need of some added attacking impetus, are both willing to smash their respective transfer records to secure his signature.

He would certainly fit the bill at the Bridge. Saturday’s loss to Crystal Palace showed up just how toothless the Blues can be on a bad day, and Fernando Torres’ abject performance appears to have been the straw that broke the camel’s back for many in West London.

But in the north west, Man United boss David Moyes has been given a war chest. In it is a cyanide pill, a shotgun and a bottle of whiskey, alongside a note saying ‘do the right thing’.

If he doesn’t do the right thing, the Old Trafford board are likely to give him £200 million to hang himself with over the summer.

And he will certainly need that much moolah, with Chicharito publicly unhappy at a lack of opportunities, and ageing Dutchman Robin van Persie’s outstretched finger already hovering over the Eject-a-Seat button, too.

Last year’s Premier League top scorer has looked far from the player who almost single-handedly won his club the title last season, and Moyes is likely to cash in his chips on the striker.

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